Saturday, December 31, 2011

Grateful for the gift of existence

December 31, 2011

Since is is News Years Eve, I thought it appropriate to look back on the year and look forward to 2012.

This year started out bad physically, perhaps because of outside stresses. Funny how the doctors say to keep stress to a minimum. Hard to do that with other persons behavior or events beyond our control.

During the first months of 2011 I felt as bad as any time since I was diagnosed, and I regret to say It discouraged me. I feel better than that now, and I am grateful.

I think the first thing that comes to mind right now upon reflection is that I still exist and I am grateful for that. Funny how fatalistic I was when I was first diagnosed in 2003/2004. Not anymore. I am way more conscious of existing and think about it often and each time I am grateful.

I lost my mother 4 years ago and my father last year, and we lost my sister Susan's husband in November to Pancreatic Cancer. He was only 70 years old and my sister did well, but the funeral was hard.

My sister Carol and I held my sister Susan by the arms and helped her to stay upright while she sobbed uncontrollably during parts of the funeral.

On December 23rd of this year, we had to put my big orange tabby male down because of oral cancer. I held him and whispered in his ear, “I love you Tarantino”, over and over while the doctor did what she must.

Then I brought him home and buried him in my back yard. My sweet wife Lonni had dug the hole for me because I am so puny because of the Heart Failure.

So upon reflection with my wife, in the five years we have known each other, she has seen me bury my mother, my father, my brother in law, and two of my cats, my two favorite, by the way. I am sure this has been tough on her as well.

I had my other hip replaced in the fall, and I am happy to report the experience was far easier than the first hip replacement. It is no picnic, mind you, but now I am walking almost normally and it seems a miracle. I have had this issue with arthritis since 2004.

Looking into 2012, I may be facing a pacemaker replacement, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

I am grateful right now to exist after dealing with this disease for so long, and I wish you all the the very best of health and a very happy life.

Happy New Year to you all.

5 comments:

Chel said...

Thanks for asking how I am David- I am going to post an update today. I am doing very well! I had my six week check at the Cleveland Clinic this week, and it went very well! Everything is healing. I have had trouble adjusting to how the unit feels when I sleep, it moved under my armptit a bit, and they said that was OK...but it husts when I sleep on it or cross my arm over...
May I ask why you have had to have so many pacemakers in a short time? Are you having complications? I agree with you on being grateful for my existence. As I was being rolled out of surgery I passed another patient, and he said..."We are above the ground, that's good!"- I had to agree with him. I am feeling very optimistic right now. I am forcing myself to be that way! Take Care!

David said...

Thanks for the reply, Chel, I appreciate it. I am glad you are doing well. It took me a while to build my strength up after my first pacemaker.

For years it bothered me to sleep on my left side beause I could feel the pacemaker firing, but I eventually I got a new doctor and he was able to fine tune this pacemaker so it mostly does not.

To answer your question, in February 2003 (I was 49 at the time) I was diagnosed with complete heart block. This means that I have little or no heartbeat without my pacemaker. At last check, I was being paced 93% of the time.

Then in July 2004 I went into the hospital with a severe attack of Heart Failure. It was so severe they diagnosed me as needing a heart transplant. One of my doctors treating me re--thought that a few days into my treatment and so they implanted a bi-ventricular pacemaker along with the usual heart failure cocktail od medicines.

In February 2008 that pacemaker was recalled (third recall by the way) and so it needed to be replaced. My pacemaker doctor (I have two cardiologists now, one for the heart block and one for the heart failure) broke a lead to my heart during this surgery but did not know it.

That caused some severe complications and I had several events of ventricular fibrillation that almost killed me each time. My ICD in the pacemaker saved my life on 4 occasions.

In June of 2008, I went to a different pacemaker doctor and he put in a new lead, adjusted everything, and the pacemaker has been good since.

They tell me I am facing a new pacemaker in a year or so because the battery on this one is showing some usage and they don't replace batteries, they replace pacemakers, so we will see.

Take care,
David

Chel said...

Wow! What a story! Thank you for sharing.

I traveled to Belize in 2008, and when I arrived home, I was severely ill, with intense flu-like symptoms. For about six months after that I never really felt well. I went to the Doctor complaining of stomach pain, and he decided to do an EKG, and discovered a Left Bundle Branch Block, and had his nurse drive me to the ER. After a four day hospital stay and a Heart Cath, I was told that I had a mild Mitral Valve Prolapse, and the LBBB, and a lot of poeple have that, so do not worry, just follow up in six months...Due to my husband losing his job, and lack of symptoms I did not go back in six months. I began to have a lot of trouble breathing, and heart arrythmias. After about six months of going to my MD with little results, I took myself back to the original cardiologist that saw me in the hopsital (that was this past year Jan 2011)-At that time he diagnosed me with Congestive Heart Failure,(Dilated Cardiomyopathy and Mitral Valve Regurgitation0 with and Ejection Fraction of 40. He stated me on the meds, and then had me come in every couple months. The ejection fraction kept decreasing (30%), and he suggested I go to the Cleveland Clinic for more aggresive treatment. They changed my meds around, and deicded to do the Cardiac Resynchronization Therapy/Bi-V pacemaker and ICD. That was on Nov 11...Take Care!

Chel said...

...and that is the short version- I left out two hospital stays...and a lot of testing...

David said...

Wow, Chel. I am sorry for your suffering. I did not know you also had CHF.

What is your ejection fraction now? Do they know what caused this?

When I was diagnosed in 2004, my EF was 12, my lungs were filling with fluid and my kidneys were failing and so they put me on the heart transplant list.

Over time they were able to get my EF up to 30, where it stands today, but there have been several relapses along the way and more hospital stays than I can count.

You take take care and thanks for staying in touch.