Yesterday and today I have been feeling increasingly anxious. Yesterday I was just shaky. Today it came out in full fledged anxiety and I had to pull over when I was driving.
Perhaps the fact that I was on my way to check my daughter into the hospital for her fourth psychotic episode in five years was a factor. Hard to tell.
The thing is, I had a couple of weeks earlier in the year when I had the same symptoms. I have an appointment with my cardiologist on Friday and I plan to discuss this with him.
I realize we are not supposed to define ourselves by outside events, but I find it interesting that many of us with heart failure do this, often without consciously trying.
I know that I do. I can sometimes resist the temptation but many times I find myself doing so. It is just that this disease sort of takes hold of you and controls you 24 hours a day.
My sister had serious complications as a result of her pacemaker implant, and was hospitalized twice more as a result.
The complications required a thoracic surgeon to open her up and drain two liters of blood from her lungs. It was terrible.
I am relieved to say she is home now and seems to be out of danger, but when I spoke to her this weekend, she said that it was weird to come home.
This is a feeling I have had several times and still do on occasion. After being so near death, and in my case on several occasions over the past 6 years, it is sometimes difficult to adjust to life, or even the idea of normalcy.
Because of my experience, I have felt my sisters pain very acutely.
