When I was diagnosed with Heart Block in 2003, after facing a year of undiagnosed symptoms, and I faced the Grim Reaper for the first time, I told myself I would die making a point to my children, sort of like Cool Hand Luke, who although he lost, he did it with dignity.
Then came the Heart Failure, and then came the degenerative arthritis in my hips and back. I think it must be the time factor that has me worn down right now.
It seems that after nine years as of February 6, I seem to have lost my fight. I have not told my children, but my wife knows and that is bad enough. Also, I know.
I apologize for whining. Lately, I seem unwilling to fake it, even to myself.
1 comment:
David i read with sadness on your two last blogs. It has been a while since your last posts and i was hoping that you had been doing rather well and therefore too busy to blog, but alas i read of sad times for you on the loss of your father and of your pet. I could rattle on about being positive for you and that things will get better and you would just think 'sod off' what i am going to say is that you do mention your children and that is something worth living for. I have always thought since getting heart failure that i don't mind dying i just feel so bad for those i leave behind. Just think of that and how you have felt at the loss of your lovely little cat and your dad, now think how they would feel. it takes these lows in our life to also see the highs. at the moment life for you is filled with pain and loss and it can pass with a little help from yourself and others around you. as for the money that your father left i have family like that where one is favored more then the rest and you know what? no matter how much i need money i would say "keep it all i don't need it" let them all fight over it and just sit back and smile it can and will make you feel on top. sorry if i am preaching to you my dear friend but looking in from the other side does let one see things in a kinder light. just remember you have a family of your own, who i am sure will support you and help you get through these dark times. Blog more as writing helps and i am always here to talk. warm wishes my friend from my little island over here x
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