Post Tramatic Stress

The Tuesday after my last entry on anxiety, I ended up in the emergency room with shortness of breath. I spent most of the day there and the good news is my tests all came back with good results.

Turns out it was my reaction to bringing my child to the hospital with her bi-polar upset and watching her suffer so much.

Watching her suffer is something I don't handle as well as before my Heart Failure. My body betrays me and it is irritating.

Dizziness and Anxiety

Yesterday and today I have been feeling increasingly anxious. Yesterday I was just shaky. Today it came out in full fledged anxiety and I had to pull over when I was driving.

Perhaps the fact that I was on my way to check my daughter into the hospital for her fourth psychotic episode in five years was a factor. Hard to tell.

The thing is, I had a couple of weeks earlier in the year when I had the same symptoms. I have an appointment with my cardiologist on Friday and I plan to discuss this with him.

Defining yourself

I realize we are not supposed to define ourselves by outside events, but I find it interesting that many of us with heart failure do this, often without consciously trying.

I know that I do. I can sometimes resist the temptation but many times I find myself doing so. It is just that this disease sort of takes hold of you and controls you 24 hours a day.

Trouble adjusting back to the world

My sister had serious complications as a result of her pacemaker implant, and was hospitalized twice more as a result.

The complications required a thoracic surgeon to open her up and drain two liters of blood from her lungs.  It was terrible.

I am relieved to say she is home now and seems to be out of danger, but when I spoke to her this weekend, she said that it was weird to come home.

This is a feeling I have had several times and still do on occasion.  After being so near death, and in my case on several occasions over the past 6 years, it is sometimes difficult to adjust to life, or even the idea of normalcy.

Because of my experience, I have felt my sisters pain very acutely.

 

My sister has Heart Block

My younger sister had surgery to implant a dual lead pacemaker two days ago.  She was recently diagnosed with class 2 Heart Block.  The surgery went well and I even spoke with her last night and she sounded bright and cheery.

I am so grateful, but this episode has brought back a lot of my own memories I thought I had put to rest.  I was with her on the table in my mind during her surgery.  It was very surreal.

My heart block was diagnosed 6 years ago and mine is class 3, or complete Heart Block.  This preceeded my diagnosis of Heart Failure by approximately one year.

I hope that does not happen to my sister.

Decision

I went to my heart failure specialst recently and he declared that I have been stable for one year now.  This is sort of a big deal because in the last five years, I have not been stable very often.

Others with heart failure will tell you their story is the same.

I have decided as a result to try to get at least one hip replaced this year, or at least ry to do so before the end of the year.  I probably need both, but I was told 15 months ago that the right one needed to be done.

Dilemma on Stem Cell Trial

Many of the stem cell trials are in phase two now and opening up to more and more patients.  There is even one that I know that takes non-ischemic patients.

My dilemma is that recently, my heart has been very stable and I am able to exercise like I have not been able to for the last two years, but my hips seem to be much worse and I am constant pain now even on "good" days.

It seems hip replacement seems the higher priority.   I am still thinking on this.