Feeling Grumpy

One of the email lists I subscribe to had a discussion recently that rang close to my case.  Some people were discussing how they get grumpy sometimes because feeling awful all of the time sometimes wears them down.

This made me feel better to some degree, because the same thing occurs with me.  If my heart failure is not making me feel awful, this arthitis I have keeps me in pain 90% of the time.  And most often the both are active at the same time.

I know we are not supposed to complain, so we tend not to, except sometimes to each other.  Anyway, I try to apologize to people and snap out of it as fast as possible.

I need to do better.

More trouble with travel than before

Even though my last post said I was starting to work out again, the last two weeks have not been good.  I have had an large increase in my old fatigue issues, and a new issue, nausea.

Because I have struggled so much in last two business trips I have been wondering how long I can continue to travel like this or even work.  I guess I should still feel lucky, as I am now 4 years into my heart failure diagnosis.

Now a new research study has just been published stating that an ICD shock event foretells a much closer death possibility.  Apparently the article was publiched in the Sept. 4, 2008 version of the New England Journal of Medicine.   A news link is here: http://www.dotmed.com/news/story/6901/

I understand all the caveats that every case is different, but i must admit the way this year has gone for my case it is not a happy piece of news.  

Sorry that this post is not very uplifting.

Working out again

For the past two weeks I have been able to exercise again for the first time since before Christmas. It has frankly been terrific. Of course this current exercise does not approach what I used to be able to do, but any exercise at this point is a big win and I am grateful.

I feel that any time I can get to the gym is a win. Who knows how long this will last, but I am grateful for every workout.

Definition

Sorry to post twice. But it is interesting how people with Congestive Heart Failure eventually start defining themselves by their Heart failure.

It is so awful living with this "thing" that we can't help ourselves. I apologize for telling a secret, because we all try to pretend it does not define us, but it does, in spite of ourselves.

My Heart

So I went to the doctor yesterday. Dr. Dan explained that he discussed my "issues" with Dr. John Dicola from last week.

He made a few more adjustments, and then told me I could live with the bad feelings coming from the PVC's (pre-ventricular contractions), or take some more drugs. We are going to try what we have for now.

Sometimes I think about my poor heart muscle as a separate thing and feel sorry for it. it may sound wierd, and probably is, but what an ordeal it has gone through.

Visit number 13 coming up

Visit number 12 yesterday went okay, except the doctor did not know how to optimize my pacemaker, even though it was not his fault.

Apparently my heart block is competing with my heart failure for control of my heart, and so my heart goes in and out of several behaviors on a semi regular basis. This of course makes it difficult to optimize for any one pattern.

The doctor did the best he could, and consulted with others, but he still wants to see how these changes work and have me come in next week.

He unilaterally offered that he was sure I was ready for this year's events to be over. But of course they are not.

Back to the Doctor

Well, I go back to the doctor today. This will be my 12th visit so far this calendar year.

What's the point?